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Say you wont let go meaning12/31/2023 Instead of focusing on your partner and pointing out their faults or flaws, talk about your feelings, perceptions and observations. Use "I" statements: Speak from your experience.Here are three things people in healthy relationships do: How healthy couples communicateĬommunicating is a skill that requires practice and deliberate effort. What to say instead: "I'm really upset right now and need to take a moment," or "We need to have a serious conversation about our relationship." In general, you only want to threaten to leave when you mean it and have the intention to follow through. Your partner may struggle to trust you if you feel like a flight risk, which limits intimacy. Language that threatens the end of your relationship - like "I'm leaving," "I'm done," or "I want to break up" - creates instability and insecurity. What to say instead: "I hear that you want my attention, but I'm feeling suffocated and need some space." 8. When you use language that says your partner is annoying, smothering, or generally bothering you, it suggests that their needs don't matter. What to say instead: "I think your response to this situation is making it worse." Express what you don't like about your partner's actions in a constructive way, rather than try to manipulate them into behaving the way you want. Language that manipulates or twists reality with the intent of making your partner doubt themselves is called "gaslighting," and it undermines their perception of reality.įor example, in a defensive moment, you might say, "You're delirious. How can we work through them together?" Respectfully acknowledge areas of sensitivity and communicate in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their character. What to say instead: "I think this situation is triggering issues from your past. If you are struggling to discipline your child, for example, your partner might say: "You spoil him too much, and it's because your mother spoiled you, too." Language that exploits these vulnerabilities isn't just hurtful - it undermines trust by taking someone's weakness and using it to make yourself look like the better person. What to say instead: "It's hard for me to be around you right now." Take a minute to calm down before you say something untrue, even if it feels true in the moment. Your partner may think: "Do they really love me right now if they said 'I hate you' last week?" It overgeneralizes momentary feelings and creates insecurity even in the good moments. Language that reflects how you feel in a heated, emotional moment but isn't representative of how you feel in the big-picture is damaging. What to say instead: "I don't like how you handled that situation." Express what they did that you didn't like, and why it bothered you. Name-calling simplifies a person into one negative attribute instead of appreciating the complexity of who they are: an individual with a host of characteristics, some of which we may not like. What to say instead: "I'm really upset, but I'm not ready to talk about it yet." Instead of ignoring your problems, take some time to face and reflect on them. This makes it difficult to resolve conflict, and can make both parties feel insecure. Passive-aggressive language keeps partners from talking about their problems in a direct and open way.
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